A bride's hands. Picture courtesy of the Humanette on Flickr.

The girl at the center of a child marriage dispute in Saudi Arabia has unexpectedly withdrawn her petition for divorce.

The 12-year-old told the court in Buraidah, Al-Qasim province, that her marriage to an 80-year-old man had her full agreement, the news website Okaz reported.

“I agree to the marriage. I have no objection. This is in filial respect to my father and obedience to his wish,” she said despite earlier objections from her mother.

The story was brought to light after the girl’s divorced mother reported the marriage to the Human Rights Commission (HRC) and asked for it to be ended.

The man at the center of the row, who was featured in a picture interview with Al Riyadh – Saudi’s national daily newspaper, insisted he had done nothing wrong and said the girl and her father consented to the marriage.

Reports suggest he won the girl’s affections after he offered her toys and paid her father a dowry worth USD $22,700.

The latest twist was greeted with interest in the Saudi media, where questions were raised about what brought about the girl’s change of heart, as the Saudi news website Okaz reported:

The new turn of events in the case which has become the focus of public opinion, has raised question marks. Attorney Salih al-Debibi who was hired by Mawadda, a charity organization, said that the mother never told him in person of her wish to drop the case and did not even inform the organization that adopted the case from the beginning.

وأثار التغيير الحاصل في مسار القضية التي تحولت إلى قضية رأي عام، علامات استفهام المتابعين لها، إذ أكد لـ «عكاظ» المحامي صالح الدبيبي والذي وكلته جمعية مودة الخيرية في القضية، أن الأم لم تبلغه شخصيا بالتنازل عن القضية، كما لم تبلّغ الجمعية التي تصدت للجمعية منذ البداية

One commenter to the website going by the name of Umm Lana was outraged that such a young girl could be held responsible for her decision to marry a man seven decades older than her:

this is marriage not a game .. I wish the decision was for the human rights committee and that her family had no power to change it .. I got married when I was 18, I was a child I do not remember anything about my first years of marriage!! How would such girl be wedded to a man who is 70 years older?!!!!!!!!

.دا زواج مو لعب .. ياريت الحكم يكون بيد لجنه حقوق الانسان بدون مايكوزن لاهلها اي قدره على تفيير القرار …انا اتزوجت وانا عمري 18 وانا كنت طفله لا اتذكر من حياتي الزوجيه في بدايتها شيء !! كيف بهذي البنت الي زوجها اكبر منها ب 70 سنه

A Saudi user on Meedan.net agreed, suggesting men who opt for such marriages might be ‘mentally disturbed’ or ‘deviant’:

I am against this kind of marriage because marriage is about affinity and cordiality before it is about sensual pleasure. I think that those who go for this type of marriage are mentally disturbed and deviated from the right path and the higher purposes of marriage. It is unacceptable to use the pretext that religion permitted him four wives; there are conditions for polygamy.

أنا ضد هاذا النوع من الزواج لان الزواج ألفه وموده قبل ان تكون استمتاع جنسي واعتقد ان من يقبل على هاذا النوع من الزواج انه يعاني اظطرابا عقليا وفاقدا للصواب ومحيدا عن الهدف الاسمى لمعنى الزواج وليس مقبول مايتحجج به من ان الشرع احل له أربع زوجات فهناك شروط يجب توفرها لمن يريد الزواج بأخرى

But opinions on the case in Saudi Arabia are divided.  Though Al-Qasim province is often derided by city liberals as behind the times, the debate about child marriage reaches all corners of the Kingdom.

Also commenting on Meedan.net, a Saudi user called lxuslx showed  support for child marriage suggesting the greater social problem instead lay with violent husbands:

I am for marrying young girls. What’s the problem with that? It’s utmost pleasure actually, and this was what I had with my wife, and nothing went wrong. The whole problem lies in violence, so the husband can treat his wife gently, provided that he is much much younger than 80 years old. I guess 30 or younger would be okay.

أنا ممن يؤيد الزواج من صغيرات فما المانع مكن ذلك فقمة المتعة فيها فام زوجتي تزوجت وهي بهذا السن ولم يحصل شي المشكله تمكن بالعنف فقط
لكن بإستطاعة الزوج ان يعاملها برفق لكن بشرط أن يكون الزوج أصغر من ذلك بكثير وليس عمره ٨0 سنه بل لا مانع بعمر الثلاثين أو اقل

Perhaps the most common view though relates to whether child marriages meet the requirements of Islamic law.  In this respect, a commenter on the Al Arabiya news site felt there was no room for debate:

The question that poses itself is: is there anything in our Islamic Shari’a that prevents this marriage? It satisfies the conditions of the marriage contract. We want proof from the Quran and the Sunnah, not from human rights laws.

السؤال الذي يطرح نفسه هل في شريعتنا الإسلامية ماينص على منع هذا الزواج طالما استكمل شروط عقد النكاح . نريد دليلا من القران والسنة وليس من قوانين حقوق الإنسان

Picture by Jacek.NL.

A Muslim blogger is creating waves for a book that tells her story of finding love.

Shelina Zahra Janmohamed’s ‘memoir of growing up as a Muslim woman’ tells of her quest to find the right man through the traditional route of arranged marriage.

With an extract published in The Daily Mail and an interview in The Guardian, Janmohamed has seen her book Love in a Headscarf shoot to a five star rating on Amazon, suggesting it has hit a chord with readers.

“I was really overwhelmed by how connected people felt to the story and how it had humanised what it meant to be a Muslim woman,” Janmohamed said. “That for me was really important.”

As a blogger writing about Muslim issues, Janmohamed has long sought to give  women within the Muslim community a voice.

“One of the reasons I wrote the book was to reach out to people who would never ordinarily read a book called, ‘What is Islam?’, or maybe never even had the opportunity to meet someone who is Muslim.”

“It becomes very challenging when the media creates very polarized characters to create narratives outside that.

“This is one of the challenges we’re facing as a Muslim community – if you’ve never met a Muslim and all you have is The Sun, The Daily Mail and Fox News then of course you’re not going to know what it’s like to be a Muslim.

“There are terrible things that happen to women who are Muslim but when you assign someone by only one story it becomes very difficult to break out of that mould.”

Janmohamed said the book was written to provide a narrative about a Muslim woman’s search for love from a ‘universal’ perspective.

“What I wanted to do was provide another portrayal of Muslim women so we can start to have a discussion about what it means to be a Muslim woman.”

“I wanted to write something that would have a universal appeal and have the kind of human tale that anyone can reach out to, and say ‘yeah that’s a little bit like my life’.”

“The closest story to that for everybody is the story of love. Everyone gets so intrigued when the topic of ‘How did you meet your partner?’ comes up.”

“The more I thought about that topic, the more I thought whatever culture you’re from the subject of love and what is love, and how do you find it and when you’ve got it what does it mean -  some critical questions come up with every generation as time changes.”

For Janmohamed, the universal concept of love is romantic rather than patriarchal.

But the pursuit of romance is set within the narrative of how a Muslim family approaches marriage.

In extracts published in The Mail Online, Janmohamed tells of the moment she is first formally introduced to a potential suitor at the age of 19.

In the encounter the men and women of the families take different sides of the room, ‘as is the norm’ in a Muslim setting according to Janmohamed.

When Janmohamed is given the chance to talk to her suitor – a 23-year-old accountant from a ‘good family’ – the door has to remain open, as ‘propriety dictates’.

But she remains adamant that this is how relationships should begin.

“I don’t find it strange that I might meet my future life partner this way,” she says.

“Is this any different to chatting to someone in a bar, club or restaurant?”

“At 19, all I want is to fall in love,” she adds.

Mail Online readers were won over, according to the comments thread.

“Very funny – I laughed out loud during a number of passages!” said Alison from Sheffield. “It just goes to show that we really are all sisters under the skin!!”

“That was a brilliant story, it goes to show that arranged marriages do not have to be painful,” said Sue from Surrey.

“It was really exciting that the Mail loved the book and it was even more overwhelming that their readers connected with the book,” Janmohamed told Muez i Diin Street blog.

“It’s that humanisation that we need to inject into the discussion. Muslims have the same kinds of aspirations as anyone else.”

“That kind of cross-cultural communication where you can look at all cultures and see what is good and what isn’t, and still love human beings – it just isn’t out there right now.”

But how does Janmohamed respond to the question of whether writing chick lit about her personal experiences of meeting men is acceptable in an Islamic context?

“What I find objectionable is when people talk about Muslim women and don’t let them talk for themselves. That’s what we need to address.

“Let Muslim women have their voices and decide for themselves what they want to do.

“Many Muslim women find their faith very important to  them and are remarkably well balanced. Where there are cases where women are not comfortable with their faith that’s usually because there’s a pressure on them to conform in particular way.”

“As a Muslim you can’t force anyone to do anything.  There are standards of tolerance we have to respect, and one of them is giving people their own opinion and their own voice.”

As a Muslim writer hoping to appeal to non-Muslim readers, it’s hardly surprising that Janmohamed has some advice for how individuals can better learn to live in a multicultural society.

“The best way to learn about anything when it comes to people is to talk to someone from that background.

“As soon as you make a personal connection to someone your whole attitude to them will change.  It’s about hearing the view from that person rather than making assumptions.

“That personal connection that can turn into understanding and dialogue, and create a way of living together.

“That was one of the reasons I wrote the book was to write people who might never meet a Muslim to see the world through our eyes and see it’s not that different.”